Hi Kids. In case you were wondering what I was up to, well . . . I have moved out of the domain of King Urkel the lesser and into a more dignified and less ignorant county. Yes, that's right I am no longer a resident of the county of Cook and have moved my family into a domain about which I have no political knowledge and am no longer forced to be a fledgling to the developmentally challenged and underqualified son of the REAL Stroger.
We moved about a month and a half ago and so far its probably the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my family. Things are a lot more simple out here in the 'stix'. The streets roll up early, the kids still play on the street and the neighbors really care about each other. I have never felt so welcomed and so immediately accepted as a new addition to a community as I have since arriving.
We build fires at night, roast s'mores with the kids, and share stories with the neighbors on an almost nightly basis. Creativity is encouraged, and there is no immediate threat, that I know of, of a substandard idiot taking over the county board and handing out six figure salaries to his equally underqualified or previously incarcerated friends and family members. Whew, what a change.
As it it, however, a move is real pain in the ass. It's been over 10 years since my last move and shit!, I forgot how much stress is involved. To add fuel to proverbial fire, I recently lost my job as well. But given the fact that this time the loss was due to a business decision by my former employer and not to facilitate an increase in salary for an inept and may I say, ugly, relative of Stephen Urkel's clone.
All things considered, this time I was treated better and I am, although under the additional stress of an added mortgage payment and a new lifestyle, better equipped to deal with the loss. And so, for the summer, I will be blogging more regularly, more happily and whilst I bask in the sunlight, watch my kids in the pool and look for a new direction to my life that more suits my sarcastic and bombastic mind. So in the meantime, fuck you Cook County and good riddance!!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
My License to Skew has been Reinstated
a deliberate skew
“welcome back my friends to the show that never ends”
-carnevil-elp
Where the fuck have you been?
Hi kids, and welcome back. As two or three of you may notice, most notably those of you who did not happen upon this site by accident, things have changed. I’ve been spending time putting together this site together, it seems I had a very minimal readership in the past and had no way of tracking just how many of you there were out there. I’ve been told as well that those of you who were my few and far between have been missing my acerbic wit and sarcastic banter, so I have decided to play on and do my best to increase the recommended daily allowance of polysyllabic expletives one can digest.
Since its my party here, I can say just about anything I want short of inciting citizens of a riotous uprising against their inept, elected officials for the purpose of bringing the power of government back to the people where it belongs. I may insert phrases and terms such as “motherfucker” or “rug munching megalomaniac” for emphasis, so if politically incorrect banter offends you please click here for a special message (get the fuck out you pansy, wuss). If not, welcome. We love your kind.
Truth be told that despite my inane, offensive lyrics I do have a heart somewhere buried deep beneath the abyssmal pit of sarcasm the encircles my soul. I believe that children are the future, that one person can make a difference and that we can save our planet if we send the message to everyone we know. I believe that government can be important and powerful and still serve the people that empower it. I believe that sex is the most profound of pleasures that remains free if you know where to look, and if you're married don't look too fuckin'far. I believe that true love can save a person’s life and that monogamy is still the best way to go. I believe in peace, love and understanding.
I believe that capital punishment is a truer deterrent than three square meals, an exercise room and a college degree. I believe that if your crime involves a child there is no punishment that can be imagined (and believe me, I’ve got a pretty fucking active imagination) that is too severe or too barbaric. I believe that illegal immigrants take their lives into their own hands when seeking to cross their border into the USA, and so we should be able to take their lives into our hands while trying to defend our border. I am that walking contradiction that Green Day sang about and I do not apologize.
So here I am, independent with a license to skew and skew is what I’m gonna be doing.
My opinion, my thoughts, my words, and my pissy attitude. And please feel free to add your thoughts and opinions, I do, after all, always need people to pick on. We will not be treating topics with kid gloves, we will not leave anyone out when choosing those to pick on, and we will not, and I repeat will NOT, be translating these musings into any other language than English [English is the official language of a deliberate skew and any of its subsidiary blogs].
* no trees were harmed in the creation or production of this blog. A deliberate skew is dedicated to a clean and green environment.
“welcome back my friends to the show that never ends”
-carnevil-elp
Where the fuck have you been?
Hi kids, and welcome back. As two or three of you may notice, most notably those of you who did not happen upon this site by accident, things have changed. I’ve been spending time putting together this site together, it seems I had a very minimal readership in the past and had no way of tracking just how many of you there were out there. I’ve been told as well that those of you who were my few and far between have been missing my acerbic wit and sarcastic banter, so I have decided to play on and do my best to increase the recommended daily allowance of polysyllabic expletives one can digest.
Since its my party here, I can say just about anything I want short of inciting citizens of a riotous uprising against their inept, elected officials for the purpose of bringing the power of government back to the people where it belongs. I may insert phrases and terms such as “motherfucker” or “rug munching megalomaniac” for emphasis, so if politically incorrect banter offends you please click here for a special message (get the fuck out you pansy, wuss). If not, welcome. We love your kind.
Truth be told that despite my inane, offensive lyrics I do have a heart somewhere buried deep beneath the abyssmal pit of sarcasm the encircles my soul. I believe that children are the future, that one person can make a difference and that we can save our planet if we send the message to everyone we know. I believe that government can be important and powerful and still serve the people that empower it. I believe that sex is the most profound of pleasures that remains free if you know where to look, and if you're married don't look too fuckin'far. I believe that true love can save a person’s life and that monogamy is still the best way to go. I believe in peace, love and understanding.
I believe that capital punishment is a truer deterrent than three square meals, an exercise room and a college degree. I believe that if your crime involves a child there is no punishment that can be imagined (and believe me, I’ve got a pretty fucking active imagination) that is too severe or too barbaric. I believe that illegal immigrants take their lives into their own hands when seeking to cross their border into the USA, and so we should be able to take their lives into our hands while trying to defend our border. I am that walking contradiction that Green Day sang about and I do not apologize.
So here I am, independent with a license to skew and skew is what I’m gonna be doing.
My opinion, my thoughts, my words, and my pissy attitude. And please feel free to add your thoughts and opinions, I do, after all, always need people to pick on. We will not be treating topics with kid gloves, we will not leave anyone out when choosing those to pick on, and we will not, and I repeat will NOT, be translating these musings into any other language than English [English is the official language of a deliberate skew and any of its subsidiary blogs].
* no trees were harmed in the creation or production of this blog. A deliberate skew is dedicated to a clean and green environment.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Crime and Punishment
Dostoyevsky’s Milieu
A few weeks ago a couple of shoplifters in Alabama were forced to carry out their sentences of wearing sandwich-board signs for four hours on successive Saturdays outside of the store they tried to steal from bearing the message ‘I Am A Thief’. Some onlookers were heard to say that this punishment was ‘cruel’. Now, silly me, but one of the thieves was a 46-year-old woman who carried out the sentence to avoid a prison stint. Most notably, though, she was 46 years old!!! What the hell did she think should happen, and what of that bystander declaring the punishment cruel? One would think that by the age of 46 most reasonable people would have figured out that stealing is wrong and that doing so will result in what we in the thinking sector of the world like to call consequences. And, on the latter, what exactly should punishment be?
These days kids, it seems that the punishment doesn’t always fit the crime, does it? I’ve seen stories on news programs that would make your skin crawl and more often than not, the culprit lives his or her days out in a maximum security prison camp, with three squares a day and while either earning their degree or signing a lucrative book deal with some shyster trying to capitalize on the deaths of innocents.
I’ve got my own take, go figure, on just how fitting a punishment should be. First, I suppose, we should clarify the meanings of both crime and punishment. According to Wikipedia, a crime is an act that violates a political, religious, or moral command considered important in protecting the interests of the State or the welfare of its citizens or subjects. Punishment is the practice of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal in response to an unwanted or disobedient behavior.
So if we follow the accepted definition of punishment, its supposed to be unpleasant and since some of these bastards barely rise far enough above the food chain in many instances to qualify as a person I think it should be equitable to the amount of suffering imposed on their victims. An example of this would be that if some piece of shit rapes and desecrates a young woman or worse a child, I’m thinking that the punishment would involve razor blades, salt and this scumbag’s penis, be creative.
So while We are painting ourselves into the proverbial corner with our humanity and civilized behavior. Punishment should not be as civilized as, more often than not, the crime for which the punishment is designed. And unfortunately the criminals we’re dealing with these days don’t follow any of the rules either of civility or of humanity.
We’ve created exuses for their behavior with the endless psychobabble spewed forth from the mouths of well-meaning psychiatrists and trying too hard to understand that for which there is no explanation. If some nutsack goes into a house and kills everyone that’s there, we give them an out with ‘The abuse this person suffered in their childhood has facilitated a behavior that is in direct contrast with what is considered acceptable to general societal norms’. We then send them to a psychiatric ward where they are given optimal care and then released when they are found to be ‘cured’ only to be surprised and appalled when they repeat the same offense for which they were originally incarcerated. Must have slipped back into lunacy.
I hearken back to the days of posses and frontier justice, well, maybe not that far back. Somewhere there is a happy medium between what should be considered equitable and what should be considered cruel and unusual, cruel anyway. The judge that sentenced shoplifters to what can readily be called unusual but that could surely be considered equitable.
Earlier on I alluded to stories that would make your skin crawl; one such story goes as such:
A man kidnapped a young girl and held her in a remote location for several days, repeatedly raping her and forcing her to perform certain acts on him. When he had his fill, he killed her with his bare hands, drenched her in gasoline and set her demeaned and lifeless corpse on fire in a banal attempt to conceal the evidence. As I recall, the man was eventually captured and was given the death penalty. Death, was too civilized a punishment.
With a little imagination and a little less civility, I’m pretty sure I could have come up with something a bit more fitting.
A few weeks ago a couple of shoplifters in Alabama were forced to carry out their sentences of wearing sandwich-board signs for four hours on successive Saturdays outside of the store they tried to steal from bearing the message ‘I Am A Thief’. Some onlookers were heard to say that this punishment was ‘cruel’. Now, silly me, but one of the thieves was a 46-year-old woman who carried out the sentence to avoid a prison stint. Most notably, though, she was 46 years old!!! What the hell did she think should happen, and what of that bystander declaring the punishment cruel? One would think that by the age of 46 most reasonable people would have figured out that stealing is wrong and that doing so will result in what we in the thinking sector of the world like to call consequences. And, on the latter, what exactly should punishment be?
These days kids, it seems that the punishment doesn’t always fit the crime, does it? I’ve seen stories on news programs that would make your skin crawl and more often than not, the culprit lives his or her days out in a maximum security prison camp, with three squares a day and while either earning their degree or signing a lucrative book deal with some shyster trying to capitalize on the deaths of innocents.
I’ve got my own take, go figure, on just how fitting a punishment should be. First, I suppose, we should clarify the meanings of both crime and punishment. According to Wikipedia, a crime is an act that violates a political, religious, or moral command considered important in protecting the interests of the State or the welfare of its citizens or subjects. Punishment is the practice of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal in response to an unwanted or disobedient behavior.
So if we follow the accepted definition of punishment, its supposed to be unpleasant and since some of these bastards barely rise far enough above the food chain in many instances to qualify as a person I think it should be equitable to the amount of suffering imposed on their victims. An example of this would be that if some piece of shit rapes and desecrates a young woman or worse a child, I’m thinking that the punishment would involve razor blades, salt and this scumbag’s penis, be creative.
So while We are painting ourselves into the proverbial corner with our humanity and civilized behavior. Punishment should not be as civilized as, more often than not, the crime for which the punishment is designed. And unfortunately the criminals we’re dealing with these days don’t follow any of the rules either of civility or of humanity.
We’ve created exuses for their behavior with the endless psychobabble spewed forth from the mouths of well-meaning psychiatrists and trying too hard to understand that for which there is no explanation. If some nutsack goes into a house and kills everyone that’s there, we give them an out with ‘The abuse this person suffered in their childhood has facilitated a behavior that is in direct contrast with what is considered acceptable to general societal norms’. We then send them to a psychiatric ward where they are given optimal care and then released when they are found to be ‘cured’ only to be surprised and appalled when they repeat the same offense for which they were originally incarcerated. Must have slipped back into lunacy.
I hearken back to the days of posses and frontier justice, well, maybe not that far back. Somewhere there is a happy medium between what should be considered equitable and what should be considered cruel and unusual, cruel anyway. The judge that sentenced shoplifters to what can readily be called unusual but that could surely be considered equitable.
Earlier on I alluded to stories that would make your skin crawl; one such story goes as such:
A man kidnapped a young girl and held her in a remote location for several days, repeatedly raping her and forcing her to perform certain acts on him. When he had his fill, he killed her with his bare hands, drenched her in gasoline and set her demeaned and lifeless corpse on fire in a banal attempt to conceal the evidence. As I recall, the man was eventually captured and was given the death penalty. Death, was too civilized a punishment.
With a little imagination and a little less civility, I’m pretty sure I could have come up with something a bit more fitting.
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